yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
