It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
