Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
