Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
