Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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