I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
