I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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