i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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