I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
