Do you still have your period?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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