I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
