does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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