I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Randomize
