the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
