youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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