I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
