Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
