ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
