I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
