OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
