So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
