so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
