sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
