whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
