At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I can't turn off my feet"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
