If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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