just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
this is an emotional support booty call
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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