i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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