Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
