OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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