I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
