i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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