sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
