Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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