i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
