Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
