I can text with my tongue
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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