So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
