I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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