o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just cropdusted the office
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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