Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think a kid would responsible me up
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
