I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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