that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
