its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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