I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
