Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
