Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
