I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You're like the curious george of whores
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
