I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
