you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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