Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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