There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
