I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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