A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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