Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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